Your beloved daughter is now dating an older guy? And you're worried about that? Then take a look at these tips. They will help you out. Nov 08, · A couple of blocks away from the Upper West Side home of radio’s king of raunch, Howard Stern, his Torah-scholar daughter sits in her ankle-length skirt. Aug 08, · Video embedded · Donald Trump appears on the March 6, episode of The View and very nearly casually marks remark about .
What will dad say? What will he ask? Will he be armed? How about if she moved and met her man far away from home? These kinds of complexities can make honoring parents, setting expectations, and finding husbands feel hopeless. It actually makes for a dangerous situation because God means for spiritual headship and leadership to be a more seamless handoff, not this disjointed affair that leaves the young woman spiritually and emotionally uncovered from age fifteen until her wedding day.
Foolish dads relish the gun-bearing, tough-guy role. The wise dads relish the opportunity to develop a real, intentional, grace-and-truth relationship with the man who might be tasked with caring for their daughter for the rest of her life.
In the first pages of Scripture, we find that great love story of Isaac and Rebekah. Completely apart from Isaac, Abraham sends another guy off to find his son a wife. Some code words and a camel ride later, Isaac and Rebekah are tented and covenanted in love. So, is that how we should get married today? Wait for the day dad sends her to Minneapolis on a camel?
I do think, though, that we may be facing greater evils in our Christian homes today than handpicking fathers. The options could be described like this: In a second scenario, dad approves a husband, affirming her wisdom and choice. Another step down, dad concedes , disagreeing with her choice but passively supporting her decision to marry anyway.
Finally, and tragically and most often in our day , dad disappears. The daughter marries a man without dad. For whatever reason — distance, disagreement, divorce, disinterest — dad is out of the picture, and the wedding happens anyway. He might attend, but he had nothing to do with the union. But what if there was another approach? If dad has typically picked, approved, conceded, or disappeared — what if instead dad discipled? Five years ago, this was nowhere on my radar.
It was just regular, intentional, and real. Trade the last-minute interview approach for a real relationship of your own with him. Trade distant, hands-off fear tactics for some faithful, down-to-earth discipleship. Nothing will help you discern if this young man can love your daughter more clearly than a relationship. And nothing will be better for him long term, whether or not he marries her.
Pithy parables or intimidating mandates or climactic conversation really can be helpful, but so much more can be accomplished over time together. Let your first couple conversations be mainly about him, and not her. Demonstrate that you really want to get to know him, not just scare him away. Ask about his hobbies. Study his relationships with his friends and family. It probably should be said here that you might consider giving the daughter you raised the benefit of the doubt that maybe she picked well, at least before coming to any quick conclusions.
This happens for two reasons. Dad might have the perception that every man is a walking caricature of the most discouraging trends today: Or dad might have an unbalanced or unfair standard: Dad might unfairly be expecting a lifetime of wisdom, maturity, independence, or faith from a twentysomething.
Either way, fathers need to hear that there are lots of young men who have believed the gospel, have been rescued from much of the worldliness around them, are demonstrating trajectories of the fruit of the Spirit, but are still immature.
This kind of immaturity might be a reason to press pause on a relationship, or at least slow things down, but it should not be an excuse for dads to withdraw altogether. What if these dads leaned into these young men at this point? What if they came alongside to offer loving wisdom, accountability, and counsel? Without a doubt, there are sharks — some in very good disguise — who are serious threats to your daughters.
We, as the church, need to be vigilant — and train our girls to be vigilant — to identify and guard them from such men. At the same time, there are a lot of good men who simply need to learn and grow. Have her boyfriend in your home. I mean welcome him into your family with some regularity. Let him see you love your wife and children.
Model manhood for him — the manhood you want to see in his relationship with your daughter. And remember that your home is probably the safest place for them to get to know each other, rather than out and about on their own without loving boundaries and accountability. More and more often, boys have never seen a man lead and love his family like Christ has led and loved his bride.
A lot of them have never even had a chance. And you could be that chance for them, whether or not they ever see your daughter down the aisle. If marriage is about our perfect love for one another, none of us is qualified and none of us is safe. Otherwise, it will look like the marriage might collapse if one of them disappoints the other. Your failures and confession and repentance as a husband and father will help prepare him to be a better, more humble, more Christlike husband and father.
God has given you a father for your good. God wants to love you and keep you and protect you and provide for you through this man. And if your father loves your heavenly Father, God will use him to guard and grow your heart for Jesus. As awkward as it might feel at times, make this a qualification for a man wanting to pursue you: Some of you may have been reading and becoming more and more discouraged.
Unfortunately, physically or functionally, there are a lot of fatherless daughters in the world and in the church. You might have lost your dad as a child. It hurts, and it keeps hurting. But our God is not only a God for the fathered. They might be a grandparent, pastor, uncle, family friend, neighbor, or just a godly man in your church. In your average, Bible-loving evangelical church, there are very likely faithful, Jesus-following, older men who can help you walk through this relationship.
They can love you and your boyfriend well, and lead the two of you toward safety in your intimacy and clarity about the future. Perhaps point them to an article like this to help them help you. Men, consider this a call to arms. Fathers, there really is another, more effective, more loving, more fruitful way for you to care for your daughters in their pursuit of marriage.
Be willing to take the initiative with the young man early on, and then be willing to follow through with some practical, gracious, firm, consistent disciplemaking. Our young women need this kind of love from you, and our young men need the kinds of examples and mentors that will help make them mature pictures of Jesus in their marriages and families.
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Look at the Book. Permissions Privacy Careers Donate.But if you want to make sure, you can well, um, pull out". Tracey and Bill have been married since and have two grown children. View My daughter is dating archive follow on twitter Get author RSS feed. As much as you want. You love him, but it just feels different. Alan Smyth June 19, at 6: