Temptation could force your memories to revisit your ex almost all the time. But should you date your ex? Read the good and the bad of dating an ex. Jun 26, · How to Deal when an Ex Dates a Friend. Breaking up can be hard and is even harder in that odd situation where your friend starts dating him or . Your ex did not get an upgrade. The person they're dating now is not necessarily smarter, more attractive, or kinder than you. The fact that you broke up wasn't a.
Related Videos:When Is It Ok To Date Friend's Ex @Hodgetwins
Women, men, boyfriends, girlfriends, family members, relationship experts, and talking heads all disagree on whether former lovers can ever truly be friends after a relationship. Opinions are, apparently, split almost evenly: To others, it's a fool's errand and an invitation for further heartbreak. Your success will depend on your individual personalities and shared history, but if you're ready to give it a shot with your ex, read on!
Vrienden zijn met je ex vriend. Community Dashboard Random Article About Us Categories Recent Changes. Write an Article Request a New Article Answer a Request More Ideas Recognize that not all exes are friend material. There are are a variety of reasons for not becoming friends with an ex-boyfriend. He may still have his heart set on you - in this case, hanging out with him as a mere friend is cruel. The opposite may be true - if you're still into him, you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Finally, your breakup may have been because of something so serious that it's impossible to look at each other without resentment. If either of you has been deeply hurt, give each other a wide berth. Even if he's calm, emotionally stable, and your history doesn't contain any gaping wounds, you simply might not want to see your ex again. Exes don't necessarily have to be friends.
Even the cleanest breakups can be the cause of hard feelings for both parties. Immediately after a breakup, there's a chance he'll be sad or angry. This is no time to approach him as a friend. Wait for his emotional waters to settle before proceeding. Similarly, listen to your own heart. If you've still got lingering anger or you're a little depressed, give yourself some time to settle before you make contact. The length of time you spend apart from each other after a breakup will likely depend on the circumstances of the breakup itself.
The period after a breakup is a great opportunity for reflection and self-improvement. After you've given your emotions some time to normalize, spend the time you previously spent with your boyfriend on yourself instead.
Devote yourself to your hobbies or schoolwork. Spend time learning a new skill. Do things you like to do, alone or with friends. By improving yourself, you're also restoring your self-confidence and your sense of self-reliance, which will make it much easier to start new friendships and, coincidentally, romances.
After a few weeks of self-improvement, you may find that you don't even think about your ex anymore! This will make it much easier to either start a new friendship with him or ignore him entirely - whichever you choose.
After you've spent some serious time on yourself and you feel ready to take the plunge, call, text, email, or otherwise contact your ex. Test the waters gently - you may want to talk to one of his friends first to get a sense of his emotional state beforehand. Keep things as light as possible - don't talk about your old relationship or your break up. Just say that you haven't seen him in a long time and you'd like to casually meet up.
If you're truly "over it", this should be the truth! If your ex doesn't immediately respond to your attempts to make contact, don't try again right away. He may not have progressed past the relationship as quickly as you have. Give him more time. Whatever you do, don't leave dozens of messages on his phone! If you feel the temptation to do this, you're almost certainly not ready for a friendship yet. Spend time with him cautiously. Hang out with your ex on small social outings.
At first, keep hang outs short and modest - a trip to a cafe or an art museum, for instance. Keep a full schedule or at least pretend to. If things get awkward, you can always use the excuse that you're running late for something else to get out of there! Definitely don't do anything together that can be construed as a date. Don't stay out late, drink alcohol, or go dancing. You could find yourself falling for each other again, and if you haven't fixed the things that led to your breakup, you'll be setting yourself up for future heartbreak.
Worse, you could ruin any new romances either of you has started with other people. Tell him directly that you want to be friends. Your ex might be confused about your intentions if you're not perfectly clear with him about what you want. Simply say, "I hope we can still be friends" or ask the question "We're still friends, right? Spare yourself some terrible drama by being open and honest with him from the get-go. Don't pretend that nothing's changed.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to act like nothing's happened after a breakup. Doing so gives off the impression that you never cared.
It can really hurt his feelings - at this point, that shouldn't be something you're trying to do. After you make contact, acknowledge your breakup without dwelling on it. You might try using phrases like these: Tell other people that you're just friends. If his friends knew about your old relationship, they'll be curious to know what's going on.
If you have any reason to suspect he won't be honest with his friends, don't let him spin them a lie. Tell them you're looking to be friends with him and nothing more. If they hear from him that you're desperate to get back together but they hear from you that you're not, they'll probably correctly assume that he's the desperate one.
This has an added benefit - he'll probably talk to his friends, and they'll tell him that you said your relationship is only a friendly one.
If he sees that you're defining your relationship in platonic terms in front of other people, he'll have a greater incentive to respect your opinion. If you have a new boyfriend or he has a new girlfriend, be sure to make your friendly intentions clear to these people right away. Even if you do, feelings of jealousy may be unavoidable - if so, you'll have to weigh these against your new friendship with your ex. Show that you still care about him. Make sure that he knows he can still turn to you when he's feeling down.
If he is having a bad day, talk to him. Show him that you still care for his feelings. However, do this as a friend would - don't hold him, hug him, or do anything else that might rouse old feelings. Instead, offer to talk to him - often, he'll appreciate being able to talk about his problems to someone who understands him well. Conversely, let him respectfully show that he cares about you.
Accept his good wishes and talk to him if you need to, but don't let him use your vulnerability as an excuse to get into your heart again. Know the signs that show he's still into you. It's difficult for anyone to suddenly view someone they used to love as a mere platonic friend. Some people simply can't do it. If your ex boyfriend is showing any of the following behavior, you may want to consider giving him more time to move on: Calling or texting you regularly without a specific reason Constantly talking to your friends Making inappropriate, overly-intimate jokes or references Bringing up things about your old relationship Touching or brushing up against you, accidentally or otherwise.
Explain things very clearly to a new BF. If you've gotten a new boyfriend since you broke up with your ex, the situation becomes substantially more complex. Even the most understanding boyfriends will likely be a little jealous at first. Some may never stop being jealous.
The best you can do is to clearly and calmly explain that you're not "into" your old ex. Explain to your current boyfriend that you love him only and that you're just looking for harmless, inconsequential fun with the ex - nothing more. Make it very, very clear that you don't even better if you say that you can't think of your ex in "that way" any more.
Your ex will also need to have this conversation with his new significant other, if he has one. Don't do anything to give your new boyfriend any reason to suspect foul play. For instance, don't stay out later than you said you would until he becomes comfortable with you hanging around your ex. However, if your new boyfriend is acting very paranoid about your new friendship constantly texting you for updates while you're hanging out with the ex, etc. If you've given him no reason not to trust you, you deserve his trust.
Don't fall into old patterns. If you want to be friends with an ex, do not do the things you used to do when you were dating. If you do, you're inviting inappropriate feelings of infidelity if you have a new boyfriend and setting yourself up for a "relapse" and possible heartbreak. Start anew - take the opportunity to experience new sights and activities as friends.