Lowered expectations and dating


Lowered expectations and dating

In the end, porn doesn't whet men's appetites -- it turns them off the real thing. 30 Things Marriage Therapists Want You to Know. Here's how to get the most out of couples counseling. Setting expectations too early when you first stat dating someone can be dangerous. Lowered expectations and dating Lowered expectations and dating

This is because we enjoy sexual connection and intimacy more as we get older — for example, it may become an affirmation of the relationship rather than just the release of sexual desire, perhaps. The truth is not so simple: The use of lubricant, either natural or artificial, will ensure that penetration and enjoyable intercourse is still possible. On the female side of this equation, a lot of people believe that women become much less interested in sex after menopause — but the truth is diametrically opposite.

Freed from the burden of pregnancy, and the possibility of becoming pregnant, women can release their energies more freely during sexual intercourse and intimacy.

The main problems they face are about hormonal levels — vaginal dryness, in particular, can be a problem which causes discomfort during sex. This allows for a greater level of relaxation and confidence during sexual activity, and this in turn will produce much better and more enjoyable sex for both the man and the woman.

And because inevitably hormones are declining, and your sex drive with them, in many cases sex becomes the result of emotional attachment rather than simply physical desire — which makes it more satisfying and fulfilling for almost everybody. Where a couple find sex less rewarding and fulfilling, the reason is likely to be some kind of emotional issue — perhaps a man or his partner has failed to accept the fact that aging is inevitable, with all the implications this has for damage to self-image.

It relies on emotional stability, emotional maturity, and acceptance of what is, rather than what you would like things to be. Women, too, need to look after their health — circulatory problems can often be caused or made worse by obesity. There is a widespread view that sex for women ends around the time of the menopause. What is more surprising is that these sexual problems were not limited to any particular age group: The question is of course how many women over 50 are aware of this, and how many of them know how to grasp their sexual potential and enjoy it to the full.

Culturally, we live in a society where women over 50 have traditionally not been seen as particularly sexually active, and certainly not sexually active with men much younger than themselves. However, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence that men in their 30s, and possibly even younger, find women in their 50s increasingly attractive. Sex is entering a whole new territory: Women over 50, given all the advantages of a place in life where they can relinquish responsibility for family and home, begin to focus more on themselves; potentially they have more discretionary income and the freedom to help them enjoy it; above all, these days, they may find themselves the object of sexual desire from men in a way they never expected to encounter at this time of life.

And, of course, the other thing that helps women cope with life changes is that they are used to them — for women, change in status and expectations are common as they move from adolescence into young womanhood, then to marriage or relationship, then to motherhood. Later, as they let the children go, they move into the adventures of midlife and the menopause…no wonder a woman has the experience of and ability to cope with change!

Furthermore, after the age of 50 a woman has no agenda about having children, and her biological clock has stopped ticking.

This is something that can happen to all women, not just those who find themselves single in midlife: Gail Sheehy coined the terms first adulthood and second adulthood. In other words, you need to adapt your expectations and beliefs about life and yourself to be able to enjoy your second adulthood beyond fifty years of age, and to feel less anxiety and greater self-confidence and fulfillment.

A natural transition beyond the age of 50 for both men and women is to find yourself feeling less competitively driven, feeling a pull to take on a role that is more like that of mentor or teacher to those younger than yourself. The mellowing that occurs in the majority of people after the age of 50 means that their focus may well be different to the years before: And at the same time, we recognize that these are easy words to say, because many women are trapped in marriages where sex has died, or where the relationship itself is simply not fulfilling any longer.

The question for many women then is: And what is going to happen to me? Is this about this emotional fulfilment, or sexual fulfilment, or both? As far as this website is concerned, the emphasis is on achieving greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction, no matter what your life situation, after the age of We will have a look at many issues as we go through the various aspects of achieving sexual satisfaction after 50, including male sexual desire or, rather, the lack of it!

A woman in her 50s is often moving from a position where she serves others like parents, teachers, husbands, lovers, partners, and other powerful people, into a place where she seeks greater mastery and independence: She can stop pleasing other people, and start pleasing herself; she may feel a sense of power, or a desire to achieve independence and fulfilment in some other way.

Possibly what underlies all of this is a search for meaning that emerges round about midlife in most human beings. The search for meaning encompasses many things, and its exact nature is different in almost everyone, because what is emotionally and psychologically significant to each of us is slightly different.

What lies at the root of the search for meaning is a search for personal fulfillment. This can take any form — you can think of it, in shorthand, as the opportunity to actually achieve something personally significant. Along with this change there ought to be a natural sense of something evolving or dying as you give birth to new dreams, new aspirations, new expectations, and hopefully more fulfilling relationships.

It seems that women over 50 are not as willing as they once were to settle for the stability of a marriage that has no intimacy, emotional connection, or sexual fulfillment. Her interviews and research in this group demonstrated that women seem to divide fairly natural into five groups which she called: Passionates; Seekers; WMDs women married, dammit!

They usually had a measure of financial independence, and passionate about their work or a cause, and usually involved with someone romantically — whether that be post-divorce or in a long-term marriage. These women often say that they enjoy more romance and novelty in their sex play since the children left home, and many of them have been widowed, but have found new sexual relationships easily.

Seekers look forward to new relationships eagerly, anticipating the pleasure of being in sexual relationship with great satisfaction. Judging by the descriptions that Sheehy gives of her interviewees and participants, these women have always found sex important, but in this period of their life it assumes a new importance: The third category that Sheehy identified was that of WMD.

They were women who were frustrated by marriages that had been sexually or emotionally empty for some time, or women who felt victimized by a man who was an alcoholic, an adulterer, or lacking in fundamental masculine values power, compassion, inner strength, vulnerability, etc. Most of these women had given up on sex: These women were resigned rather than happy.

In many cases they had long-standing marriages, though sex had often dwindled to zero. In general they seemed to have personalities that were anxious or shy, or they lacked the confidence to seek out sexual relationships. Also — you can get more information here. Most of them were married, and most of the rest were divorced; the only thing that they all had in common was that they had had a lowered libido since going through the menopause.

Once again, like the SQs, they put very little energy into seeking any change in their situation. Sheehy makes the point that these categories are not fixed, in the sense that we can move between different categories at different points in our lives, a fact which might be encouraging for women who feel stuck in a situation that seems suffocating and prevents them from growing.

One of the things that comes across again and again in her book is that women over 50 who make the leap out of a dead or dying relationship — whether propelled by desperation or by desire — say that they are having the best sex of their lives.

Is good health essential, or financial independence? Do you need to be an optimistic personality to attract a mate who wants to enjoy sex with you? Or is it about your luck? In some sense passion is the thing that drives every aspect of human life. Finding something you love to do is essential for your spiritual fulfilment. What was that idea, that dream, the thing that motivated you, that you always wanted to achieve or to do?

And there is a fundamental link between finding the passionate pursuit that will enliven the second half of your life, and reopening the doorway to sexual pleasure, real intimacy, and companionship. The most profound aspect of this philosophy is the belief that the object is to reach mature love and a sense of meaning and purpose that lasts until the end of your life.

Gail Sheehy also claims that the third thread of the passionate life is spiritual exploration: What to make of this? For those who have come here looking for advice on how to be sexier after 50, talk about spiritual pastimes and a meaningful purpose in life may be somewhat overwhelming.

I think life can be lived perfectly well in the absence of deep spiritual fulfillment as long as there are plenty of small but meaningful episodes in everyday life that sustain you spiritually. Indeed, the principle behind all of this website is that great sex within the context of a good life is easily achievable for everyone, at all ages. This acts as a beacon that attracts people, including possible life companions.

A life lived passionately is likely to be a life in which the enjoyment of sex features predominantly. Gail Sheehy talks of the five phases of a passionate existence in midlife.

For a long-married couple who are still together and wish to stay that way, the romance of the new can be sparked in unexpected ways, such as the first holiday they have together after the departure of the last child from the family home. In the context of a personal relationship, or a new dream, or a new spiritual focus, the excitement and romance of the new can propel woman towards a new and passionate life.

In terms of romantic and sexual relationships, the romantic renaissance is often a short lived affair, but it can serve to bring you back in touch with the sexual side of your being. Given the opportunity to seize a chance to reconnect with sexual energy, many people in midlife have taken what another man or woman has to offer, even when they know that the person is not a suitable long-term mate or partner. Many women and men who begin dating again in midlife will find a partner who gives them the gift of great sex and new sexual skills, helping them to move on in their search for a new existence.

The pain of loss and abandonment can be considerable, as many women who have been divorced and left to fend for themselves by husbands who have searched out younger partners can testify. By using a series of exercises which help you to shed any inappropriate and outmoded rules and regulations that have governed your life up till now, you can change the beliefs which underpin your philosophy of life. Sheehy quotes Goethe, who wrote: This describes the dramatic change in needs which can occur for somebody in their 50s.

Certainly, the shadow of death lies ahead of us — death being the one certainty for all of us — and this means people may change their priorities, they may look towards the light of faith, or they may become more spiritual in some very personal way. One of the best antidote is to the anxiety of later middle age to have a deep and meaningful connection with another person, sometimes from a marriage that began years ago and has grown steadily as times have gone by, and sometimes from a new start in midlife.

This can occur when a person knows deep in their souls that what they have is not enough and they need to seek more. Of course, new connections can be found in all kinds of places: You might relight the fires of passion for an old flame or friend, or begin a new relationship. Every story is individual and there are potentially as many variations on the theme as there are individuals in the world!

Which Sheehy describes as the gold at the end of life. For those who are able to incorporate their passion and their dream with the practical matters of living, there should be greater confidence, fulfilment, and self-acceptance than at any other point in life. A broader view of life in the short time you have left to live can be a catalyst for the growth of wider love, a form of love that is expressed through giving to community and loving others outside relationship, friends or family; a love shown through your actions — which might include giving creatively, or philosophically, or through some kind of activism for a cause that you espouse.

This is still underpinned by passion, a passion which may spread into love for and with another human being. You might have concerns about finding the right person, but the evidence suggests that this is misplaced.

There are plenty of ways to find a new relationship: Sure, it takes a degree of confidence and enterprise to use online dating services, but like everything else in life, the only way to discover the advantages and benefits is to plunge right in. And while those are easy words to say, how do you face the enormity of separation or divorce or even leaving a long established partner at a time in life where traditionally you might well have never been able to find another one?

Well, for one thing, we live in a time when women are more empowered than ever before: What has changed here is that women have realized a degree of economic empowerment over the last decade or two that has enabled them to achieve both practical and emotional freedom. Along with economic power and better education comes emotional liberation; so nowadays women who suffer the challenges and difficulties of relationships that are far from satisfactory can only tolerate these problems for so long before their true selves emerge and compel them to seek out greater freedom.

Lowered expectations and dating

Join the NASDAQ Community today and get free, instant access to portfolios, stock ratings, real-time alerts, and more! Online dating is going mainstream. The study is based on a survey of 2, U. Young adults are leading the surge in online dating, with usage among to year-olds almost tripling since Pew's online dating study.

Call it the Tinder factor: Aaron Smith, author of the report, told NPR that mobile apps' appeal lies in their simplicity and " game-ified way of engaging with other people.

Online dating is a big market. Here in the U. Match, whose portfolio includes OkCupid, Tinder and Match. Investors are interested in the market's potential: Still, despite the increasing popularity of online dating, concerns remain over the industry's ability to generate a profit. The biggest issue is that, when the apps work and people find partners, they stop using the service.

As a result, dating apps must be adept at acquiring new customers. Unfortunately, as the Wall Street Journal points out , most dating apps don't experience the same meteoric rise that Grindr and Tinder have, and users generally don't recommend the latest apps to their friends.

Match's first quarterly earnings illustrate the potential hurdles within the online dating industry. Following the earnings report, Barclays downgraded the stock, and both JPMorgan and Merrill Lynch lowered their price targets. Keeping these challenges in mind as well as the industry's growth , let's take a look at what analysts expect to see from online dating companies when they next report earnings.

Analysts provide estimates for various aspects of a company's operations, including its net income, earnings per share and revenue. The consensus estimate, which is the average of the provided figures, is then used as a benchmark come earnings season.

If a company surpasses estimates, that's a positive earnings surprise and can boost a stock. On the other hand, missing estimates is a negative earnings surprise and can tank a stock. Just look at Twitter TWTR. Below is a list of online dating stocks and analyst estimates for their next quarterly earnings and revenue.

DATE , Earnings , Analysts , Financials: Operates an online dating platform in the People's Republic of China. LOV , Earnings , Analysts , Financials: Provides online personals services in the United States and internationally.

MTCH , Earnings , Analysts , Financials: Market cap at 2. Price and market capitalization data sourced from Zacks Investment Research. Analyst estimate data sourced from Yahoo! All other data sourced from FINVIZ. Kapitall Wire is a division of New Kapitall Holdings, LLC. Kapitall Generation, LLC is a wholly owned subsidiary of New Kapitall Holdings, LLC.

Kapitall Wire offers free investing ideas, intended for educational information purposes only. It should not be construed as an offer to buy or sell securities, or any other product or service provided by New Kapitall Holdings, LLC, and its affiliate companies. The views and opinions expressed herein are the views and opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Nasdaq, Inc.

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Join Today Already a member? Of Love and Money: The Rise of the Online Dating Industry February 13, , By Mary-Lynn Cesar for Kapitall Wire Online dating is going mainstream. This article appears in: Most Popular Highest Rated.

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Q1 2017 Market Commentary: Lowered Expectations: The First Seventy-One Days

They are selectibely picking out the weak ones in the herd. Find yourself constantly daydreaming? To err is human, and to forgive is truly loving that person enough to allow them to make mistakes. The answer could affect your love life. Couples enter marriage with high expectations, but the pressures of careers, family, and even technology can derail the best intentions and send them seeking help. I don't believe this quote is always accurate, but it rings true in many scenarios. Lowered expectations and dating

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